Heavy Heart

It is 3 am and I must confess, I have a heavy heart this morning. Last night I watched someone I care deeply about be manipulated by someone who could care less. That person is not only physically abusive, but mentally abusive and so on. As someone who has been through it, Domestic violence is the worse thing that could ever..and I repeat ever happen to anyone. What we don’t seem to take into account is the effect it has on our children. Yeah when they are small, they probably won’t remember. But what about as they grow and you continue to stay in the relationship? Then what?

Truth is, they could end up reenacting the same thing they saw as they grew up. Now this is not true for all, but I would hate to see my son’s to grow and be one of them men who abuses women whether it be physically or mentally.  From experience, the mental abuse is ten times worse than the physical abuse. With physical abuse, the bruises heel. But with mental abuse, they get in your head and make you believe it’s all your fault, and your not worth while to anyone and that no one would want you. That’s the worst of it, being made to feel like your nothing. That is how they keep that hold on you.

The hardest thing you can do is escape an abusive relationship. They have this hold on you that is just impossible to explain. As I mentioned above, they use there abusive powers to make you feel worthless. After so long, it just drains you and before you know it, your completely numb. The best way I can describe this filling is you feel so empty inside, it’s like your heart forgot how to beat, or even better it’s so crushed it’s like your heart fell out of your chest and just crashed on the floor into a billion pieces. With every day that goes by, you feel like a zombie. Like nothing else matters and your just walking through like a lonely ghost in a non existent life. Life still revolves around you, but you fill like your nothing more than a ghost and no one see’s you. It’s the worst feeling you could have to over come.

I would never wish anyone to be treated like crap just because someone else feels justified to treat you that way. Yes it’s our fault for staying so long, but as I mentioned before, abusers get their powers from practically taking your life source and your worth. Once your beat down enough to being numb, you just stop fighting back. No one could understand this more than someone who has been through it. So yes it is our fault. We have to find better ways of being stronger and refusing someone to take our self worth.

So please, if I have accomplished on thing with this..please ladies, do not allow any man to take your self worth. Know the signs early on in a relationship. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. There is someone out there willing to help, the hardest part is taking that step to get that help. There are a number of outreach places out there. The best source is your local police department and Sheriffs Department. So please..learn the signs and do not allow anyone to take your self worth or dim your light. No one should ever be a victim, but if your ever a victim, become the survivor. Yes it’s the hardest step you will ever have to make, but in the end, it’s the best decision you will ever had made in your life. There is help out there, so please find the strength and escape. Become the hero of your own story.

And before it is even mentioned, yes there are men out there who face the same problems. So for you men out there, I am offering the same advice. No one should ever be a victim of domestic violence. Man or Woman. So be a survivor and your own hero.

Mental Illness in Children

I want to take a few mins to be a little serious. As a mom who has suffered with depression, I never thought it would be something my kids would face or have to struggle with. I mean seriously, we just don’t want to think about those things. We want our kids to experience the good things, and not have to worry about the negative things. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way.

Take for example, it has been a long road with her. There for the longest it seemed we were moving one step forward just to go 3 steps back. Then her Dr referred her to another Dr in the office that specialized in kids with behavioral problems. He was a life saver. Then a few months or more ago. He left. Now my daughter is seeing another Dr and he is trying to get her off one of her meds, so he lowered the dose. Ever since then, I feel like I have been going crazy, and she has slowly slipped into what appears to be a depressive state. Ever her grades have been dropping these past few months. But the only way the teacher seems to show concern is when I ask her straight out because I have concerns with her behavior and wonder if she is showing the same behavior in school.

This problem also applies for my youngest son as well. Recently I had a meeting with his teacher, school counselor, school psychologist and one of his other teachers( I think). Anyway, they brought it to my attention that they were worried that he was depressed because all he does when he is at school is put his head down, and over the past few months, he has become more withdrawn than he was before. Ok, I have no problem hearing this. But here is my problem with the whole situation. Over those past few months I have had to go to the school on more than occasion to sign paper work, IEP meetings etc.. Not once was it ever brought to my attention that there was any concern about him being depressed. The most I got was he didn’t want to do his work at school, and when he got home, he didn’t want to do his homework either. But then I talked to my youngest son and we tried to work out something that would encourage him to do better at school. I sent many notes to school asking if things were improving as far as him doing his work, and the reply was he was improving. So basically, they lied to me and had to wait until I was in a room full of other people who are more than eager to tell me what they think I should do. For example sign him up for counseling.

Ok now this is another problem for me. As someone who has suffered from depression and knows the symptoms and the all to familiar warning signs, had I  noticed any symptoms in my son that would cause me to worry, I might of considered this. But when he at home, he is a totally different person. He was very out going and will talk to anyone, and where ever you hear any commotion, you can about guess he is right in the middle of it. And lets face it, he has a ton of friends. He just hates school and always says “mommy I want to stay with you”.

My problem with counseling is this. When my daughter was younger as I mentioned above she has some behavior issues as stated above. When she was in first grade, they put her in a program called the Bridges program. It is a program where there are maybe 8-12 kids total in the classroom, and plenty of teachers as well as therapist that work through Haywood Psychological that work with the kids to find ways to control their bad days, and work with the families when they fill overwhelmed. As part of the program, parents are required to go once a month for meetings with the therapist. This is where my problem comes into play. Every meeting I went to, it was always what my daughter did wrong, and as a parent they had me to the point I was in tears by the time I left. They made me feel like the worst mom in the world.

So when this was put down as something I should consider for Phoenix, I had to automatically say no. It’s not that I don’t want my son getting help. But if he were truly depressed, he would be withdrawn and all that good stuff at home as well. But he isn’t. So when they ask me what I have against counseling, I tell them about the experience before. I know they are trying to be helpful, but I am not going to sit their and let someone else make me feel like crap. I can do that myself. Then they want to know if anyone has ever experienced mood disorders of any kind in the past. So now I have to tell them about my past my depression. Before I know it, they have a counselor recommendation that they think would benefit me.

As of right now, I am not on anything and I feel great. I would see a Dr if I didn’t. But all this talk about depression is most likely going to depress the crap out of me. Then they ask me if I have any kind of support group. I have my family and if I feel like they aren’t the people I can talk to, I have at least 3 friends I can depend on. My family and friends are my life preserver when I feel things are sliding.

The point of this article is this. If you have a child who is experiencing mood problems regardless of what they are, or are having trouble in school, make sure you keep in good communication with the teacher. But also make sure that if you have any concerns, address them. Do not wait until your in a room full of teachers to do so. If your child has a teacher like the one’s I seem to come across, the second you notice their may be a problem, bring it up and make the teacher aware. Maybe they will return the favor. But if your child is anything like my youngest, this is easier said than done. As I stated above, at home he was a totally different person. So if your a teacher and reading this, please if there is a problem just tell the parents. Don’t wait for them to come to you and don’t wait until you the parent in a room full of people to say “oh I think we have a problem” When you do this, it makes the parent fill like they are being ganged up on. So for both parent and teacher, keep the lines of communication open and honest. For the parents, do not let anyone whether it be the school or your child’s Dr talk you into anything your not comfortable with. Your the parent, you know your limits, and you know your schedule. The last thing you need is someone forcing something on you or your child you do not want. Also parents, keep the lines of communication open with your child’s Dr. If they can’t help you, or feel it is over their head say something, make them refer you to someone better. And parents don’t be afraid to speak up when you feel like everyone is ganging up on you. Never let anyone make you feel that way. Trust me, been there, done that. But the most important is communication between parent, teacher and your child’s Dr. Without that clear communication, everything is a mess.

Your kids and online play

Is your child being safe while on the internet and other online gaming console’s? As a parent, if you do not monitor your child’s activity, then you really should. As a mom I thought I was doing enough by monitoring my kids and making sure I had their user name and passwords for all their accounts. Later on I figured out, I actually wasn’t doing enough. Let me explain.

One night my husband was playing GTA 5 online on his xbox360 console. Out of the blue someone asked him where he lived. This red light went off and I started thinking, when my kids are playing online games like GTA 5, and other’s on their ps3, other people could be asking them the same question, and if they are, what are my kids telling them? This was a huge concern for me. Lets face it, it is an unsafe world out there and their are a lot of child predators out there. So I had a talk with my kids. I told my kids under no circumstances were they to tell anyone what city and state they lived in. I made it clear that if someone asked where they were from, to tell them they were from a totally different state or just say i’m not allowed to tell or something. Like I explained to them, there are people out there that will hurt kids. It’s a sad truth, but it’s a real threat. I’m not sure about you, but I would do anything to protect my kids, but let’s face it..we can’t always be everywhere all the time. so we have to do all we can to be sure we instill as much as we can in them to where they can protect them selves and stay safe. This includes being safe online. 

Then a couple weeks ago, my daughter who is in the 5th grade brought home a book about internet safety. It went over how a child predator can solicit online, and the misuse of digital images, threats and harassment, and other things. So as a parent I want to encourage you to talk to your children about online safety. If you are looking for more resources to talk with your child about online safety, you can visit the following link. 

http://www.ncdoj.gov

History of video games

Now that Christmas is over and New Year is here, as a parent, gaming is a major thing for our kids. And lets face it, there were many of us that got our kids a new game system. So I plan to bring my experience on to you, and please..please share your experience as well. The more, the merrier. This is just one of many articles soon to come to help educate or raise awareness about gaming and game systems.

But before I go into gaming, lets first take a look at the history of video games. I found this video through time.com. I can remember when I was growing up, my first game system was an Atari. Poor frogger never made it across. Then there was the Nintendo, Sega and so on and most likely not in that order. Now we have X-box 360, Xbox one, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4 and so on. And lets face it, with every new game system, the graphics and technology gets better and better. I mean how awesome is it that you can stand in-front of the game and either dance or do certain moves to play a game. No controller needed. But seriously, I hate the kinect. It drives me crazy when my husband plays his x-box 360 and I have to hear everyone as he plays online. I went to get him a headset for Christmas, but boy did I wait to late. They were all sold out(still kicking myself).

But before we go into detail about the game systems and what little I know and what I think is important as a parent for other parents to know. Lets first off take a look at the history of video games.

History of video games part 1

History of video games part 2

Happy New Year

Wow, I can’t believe that 2013 just rolled out and 2014 just rolled on in. So I am hoping you and your family are off to a great start so far this New Years. It has been a crazy year I think, but not to bad of a year. As a mom and a woman, I have really learned a lot about myself over these past few years. Some of you may be wondering like what?

Well it’s easy. As a woman, I have figured out there is so much in life I really want to do. I want to create new adventures and do things I have only dreamed of doing. As a kid, I was always a good little girl. I never partied, I never got drunk, did any drugs or anything. Like I said. The good little girl. But as I became a mom, and found the really great friends, I realized, I had not lived and done anything crazy or really exciting. So naturally, we kick ourselves for that very reason. But no more. In fall of 2013, I got myself together and went back to school. Something for me and no one else. I am also doing it cause I am hoping it will encourage my kids to stay in school and just to do the best they can.

But with this new year, I have realized, I still have yet to do anything really exciting or create an adventure whether it be large or small. This year that will change. I am currently making a list of things that are way outside my comfort zone and can also be considered an adventure. Even if it is a small one. But I plan one blogging more, and as I blog, you will get to read all about my adventures as we go through this year. But as well with creating adventures, here is a list of all my resolutions for this year..

1. Just to be the best person I can be for me and my kids
2. Take more time for me..sometimes we have to be a little selfish when it comes to taking care of ourselves..but we all need some me time..I don’t care who you are..
3. Make more time for my friends and have girls day/night..at least once a month and if Chris wants to do the same..so be it..
4. Create more adventures..no matter how small or how big..life is an adventure..it’s time to live it up
5. Try to take more time for my marriage..not making any promises here..but me and Chris need more date nights..
6. try to get through school..and just continue doing the best I can
7. get a makeover
8. and last but not least..improve my self-esteem..I can’t be the best of me if I don’t believe in myself or have low confidence. Not only am I letting myself down, but I am letting my kids down as well. But I must say, I have done really great here lately..but as anyone knows, it can be an uphill battle..

Also this year..I have set aside a jar. Through out the year we are going to fill that jar with great memories that we want to remember..and at the end of the year, we are going to go through those memories and put them in a scrapbook and start over with the next year.

So from my family to yours..Have a wonderful and safe New Years

 

Introduction

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to take a second to introduce myself. My name is Jennifer, and I am currently a stay at home mom/student. I am currently working toward earning my associates degree in Business Administration. I hope to one day open my own business, but right now, I will settle for graduating ;-) .

As I mentioned earlier, I am a stay at home mom. I have 3 kids, 2 boys and one girl. My Oldest Zak is 12 years old, the second oldest is my daughter Mekare and she is 11, and my youngest Phoenix is 8 years old. Being a mom is the craziest adventure ever. There has never been a dull moment that is for sure.

I do not have that many hobbies, I enjoy crafts, but truthfully, I am not that creative to be good at it. But I enjoy writing and photography. They both help keep me sane and it is something I can do with my kids and pass on to them. But as every mom knows, it takes a lot to get, let alone keep a child interested in something you are interested in.

What to expect from this blog:

By now I am sure your wondering what to expect from this blog. The simple answer is, expect the unexpected. I enjoy writing and currently I want to venture into dark waters and get my feet wet with writing erotic fiction. I may post on here just to see if I am any good. Like I said. Expect the unexpected. But as a parent and wife, I will be sharing things I think may be useful as well informal. So please leave feedback. If you like something, let me know, if you think I may be able to help inform you of something, please let me know and I will do my best.

Other publications:

As I mentioned earlier, I love to write. One of my goals is to be published in different magazine publications. As of right now, I have not been published except for once in the Enterprise Mountaineer newspaper. It has been a couple years, but this is my way of getting back out there and working toward my goals. 

jen's article

Well I guess that is it for now, so until next time